I used to be at odds with myself. Where did I fit in? Who was I and what did I stand for? Am I living my truth or someone else’s? What the hell did I really want out of life? Why am I suffering through this life as a female because it would be so much easier being a male?
A lot of time (decades) and much turmoil went on and has been wasted. I say wasted because if only I could have had this wisdom earlier, my life would have been easier. I wouldn’t have fought so hard to change everything natural to unnatural. Unnatural is the way society strives so hard to mold us into being something we are not. But Alas, I guess we don’t really learn this until we are older and start searching for a better way.
I fought my way through being a kid, a teen, a teenage mother, a young wife. I fought from being poor and uneducated to being something more. I went through hell to finish a 2 year college with 4 kids and a husband. I went from one job to the next trying to find a better paying job that helped me take care of my family. Through all this I developed cysts on my ovaries and had to have a hysterectomy. I began exploring my symptoms with the spiritual causes. I really needed to accept myself and begin loving myself as I was.
I fought myself the most. Years ago I was searching to get my anxiety and depression under control and to find what I was looking for. I was always harping on the past, and wishing the present was over with and looking too far into the future. The future I wanted. I was miserable and not enjoying anything in the present. I was not enjoying my family, my job, or myself.
I remember one winter solstice, I asked the goddess Frigg to help me. She is the goddess of marriage, motherhood, fertility, love, household management, and the domestic arts. I called on her because this was what I needed to desperately work on. I needed to reconnect with my feminine side and learn to nurture myself and my family, and pay attention to my home. I needed to make my home my sanctuary. Things have been slow; but a lot of learning has happened. The other day the memory of me asking her for help came to me. I realized that she did indeed help me out. Even all this time that I have not given her much thought.
So this is changing. Frigg, thank you for reminding me! I just now found out she is also the goddess of the sky. Which is funny because all the birds are attracted to me and I find feathers everywhere. And I do love the wind. Thank you Frigg for all your messages.
My life now is much more grounded and happier. I am in touch with the land, learning the ways of old, taking lessons from my ancestors; learning from Momma Earth, the gods and goddess and the nature spirits . I am much happier being a woman now. Which seems odd I know. But, that’s the way it is. I am being more creative and nurturing and teaching the grandkids about the kindreds and respecting the earth. I am wandering around at home in simple sun dresses and being barefoot. I am learning about the Druids and I am now at home with myself.
Photo Credit: John Charles Dollman [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons